What do I want?!
I want quiet!
Can I have the bag, please Jack?
Quiet!
Stand in line, two by two!
No talking!
I want perfect quiet!
Mrs. Cohen!
What Susan?!
Quiet!
I have an excuse for the cold!
Can I go to the nurse?!
No, you may not.
Quiet everybody!
What?
Mrs. Cohen, can I be excused because I've got cramps?
No. Jack back! No you cannot.
You can both go on the walk, the air will do you good.
Okay, let's move!
C'mon, move!
A little energy!
Okay!
I'll sit with ya.
I don't want your cold.
I'm not catching anymore, my mother said.
The weather looks super too,
for whatever you're gonna do.
You might even get a seat on the subway, huh?
I hope so. That'd be great.
Have you really got it?
Got what?
You know.
Say it.
You know.
Say it.
Your period.
I don't have it.
But you said...
I don't wanna play stupid softball.
Shut up, Susan.
But just...
I've got to think.
Okay, miss slugabed, it's time.
Five more minutes.
There are chores to be done, lady.
Who's gonna water the milk?
And who's gonna butter the cream?
And who's gonna scratch the chickens?
C'mon pumpkin, on your feet.
Pa?
Yeah?
What?
What's the capital of Kansas?
Kansas?
Flat Kansas, we're having a geography test.
Nothing could be feener than to be
in Abileener in the morning.
Abileener?
Wichita.
Brush your teeth.
Had to do it, didn't you?
Shower, Paul.
I showered. I showered before I got here.
I shave here, and then I shower again.
I shower again, because Franny knows
I shower after I shave.
I don't care what you say.
We're not gonna inflict our problems
on an innocent child.
That's the way it is.
And don't give me that, I've heard it all before
and I don't wanna hear it again crap.
Franny is not gonna be another unwanted,
neurotic victim of irresponsible divorced parents.
Do you think it's fun to put on your socks
four times every morning?
You think it's a joy, up at five, shower,
race here, and then wake her up, and make jokes,
and then shower and shave, again.
At 1 o'clock, I'm a zombie.
And what do you care, you just
lie there unconscious.
Oh Paul.
I don't care.
She's worth it.
That's it,
the bottom line.
And when I'm ready,
that's when we tell her that her mother and father
are a disaster area.
So, right now just lay off me, all right?
That suit's gotta go to the cleaners.
Hello.
Hello, is Jamie there, please?
Jamie, it's for you.
Is that for me?
It's for Jamie.
Oh.
Hi.
Low on Kleenex.
He was right on time.
This is the third week.
Jamie, I'm gonna say something.
Wrong.
Well, I didn't.
He's made a friend.
I told you, children are flexible.
They adjust.
Well, you still want me to come over tomorrow?
Sure.
I'll ask my mom.
She's asleep so it's the best time to ask her.
Okay, yeah, see ya.
Who was that?
Who?
On the phone.
Oh, just a kid.
I'm so glad you're making new friends.
I know, it's hard.
A new school, a new family.
I just want you to know, Jamie,
I think you're adjusting beautifully.
Ma?
Ma.
You gotta make my braid.
Don't hurt,
but make it tight.
You're hurting.
Oh, I'm not hurting.
It's my head.
Hold still.
Ma?
Can I have a sleepover tomorrow?
It's Friday.
Can I?
What, here?
At Jamie's.
Thanks, ma.
That's neat.
Brush your teeth.
If he doesn't do it dad, I'm gonna be late.
Well, shag has needs too.
Four late slips, and I get an afterschool.
I'll write you an excuse.
Dear Mrs. Hackett,
Franny is late today because her dog can't shit.
Franny!
It just came out.
Just because your mother has a mouth like a teamster...
she does not.
I didn't say shit until I was 18,
and nobody thought I was retarded.
Hi.
Who was that?
He's new.
Did they let him in,
dressed like a human being?
He can't help it.
He had to wear that in his last school,
and his mother won't buy him new jeans.
Why not?
His father won't give her the money.
For jeans?
They're split, and they're having fights
about charge accounts.
And because of their problems,
the poor kid has to go to school dressed like a freak.
I thought you said he looked like a human being.
You'd better hurry up, lady.
You're gonna get a late slip.
Don't worry, I'll get shag.
Good girl, shag.
Bye.
Bye, honey.
Can you come?
Yep.
Great.
Well, you saw him.
It's all there.
Are you sure?
It figures.
But you're not sure.
Well, he's got the look all right.
But how do you know for sure?
You gotta prove it out.
It's like algebra.
You gotta figure out the unknown quotient.
X equals the other woman, what else?
Well, he's not sleeping home,
and he's not gay, is he?
No.
Well, then?
I've got a geography test,
and now I can't remember anything
except the capital of Kansas.
Topeka.
Wichita.
Topeka.
No.
Topeka.
He told me Wichita.
That proves it.
Proves what?
The equation.
When they got another woman on their mind,
they screw everything up.
Topeka, shit. Topeka.
Fuck.
Hi.
Why can't I say, where do you go to sleep every night?
Except weekends.
Weekends he sleeps home because you're home.
Why can't I?
'Cause they don't want you to know.
Boy.
We go to a school where they make a big deal
about telling the truth.
Well, at school.
This is it.
There's never anything to eat in this house.
Hi, Corine.
There's frozen yogurt in the fridge.
Your ma said no cokes on weekdays.
This is Jamie, he's new.
How do you do?
Considering the steps I'm doing fine, thank you.
What if we go to...
What if we go to his office, and follow him?
Say he comes out of his office,
say he doesn't see us,
and then say takes a taxi.
Then, what'll we do.
But you've got a bus pass.
Right, I get onto a bus, show my bus pass
and say follow that cab.
They can do anything they want to do, can't they?
They can tell us anything,
or not tell us anything.
And we can't do anything, or say anything.
We haven't got one single lousy human right.
His number's 982-1913,
and he sleeps at 351 west 86th street.
What?
His name is Paul, isn't it?
Your mom's got to know in case of emergency.
Jamie, you're a genius.
Well, my IQ's 145,
but it's not genius.
This way shaggy.
We're going this way, Franny.
This way, Shagylon.
My father trained her.
Her full name is master Shagylon ll.
Shaggy come here.
My first Shagylon died.
I name them.
Shagylon?
It's dumb.
I made it up when I was little.
This place.
C'mon shag.
Shagylon.
Where everything's, you know, perfect.
C'mon shaggy.
Where nobody argues or lies.
I told you, it's dumb.
Anyway, shag doesn't lie.
She just pees. C'mon shag.
Franny!
It's my mom.
- Hi, shaggy. - Hi.
You're early.
Well, I had a meeting cancelled.
So, instead of counseling consumers, I consumed.
How are you, bub?
This is Jamie.
How do you do, Mrs. Philips?
Oh, how do you do, Jamie?
He's new.
Oh, yes I can tell.
Ma?
Hmm?
Is daddy coming home for dinner tonight?
Yes, of course he'll be home for dinner.
But I have to speak at a senior citizens'
center tonight, Fran.
Well, see Franny there are these new generic drugs,
and if they know their doctors can prescribe them,
they can save a fortune.
Oh Franny, it's my job.
It's important.
Anyway, I'll be home early.
They go to bed early.
So, do I.
How was school?
Fine.
Good.
I have to go now.
Why?
Well, if I'm not home by five, my mom panics.
Well, when you first come to this city
it can be pretty scary.
How long has she lived here?
All her life.
6:30 tomorrow?
Yeah.
Okay.
Bye.
See ya.
Nice meeting you, Jamie.
I'll be all packed.
That's a nice boy. Packed for what?
A sleepover.
What sleepover?
I told you,
tomorrow night at Jamie's.
Oh, hold on.
You said yes.
I said yes to what? When?
This morning.
Jamie is a boy.
Well, your father will never hear of it.
He's never here to hear of it.
He's here tonight.
But you're not.
Why do you always have an answer for everything?
You promised.
I was asleep.
A promise is a promise.
Yes, I accept that,
but is a promise a promise when you didn't
even hear what you were promising
when you promised it?
Yes.
That boy...
You said he was nice.
You didn't even have to ask him to carry your junk.
It's not junk.
He shook hands.
What's his last name?
Harris, Jamie Harris.
Franny, finish walking the dog.
She peed already.
Well, she needs to run.
Franny, she's your dog.
Okay.
C'mon shag.
We're going to run
away from home.
Yeah, well look both ways before you cross the street.
We're out of silver Polish and Clorox.
Write it down, Corine.
Did you see that boy?
He's new.
Yeah, Franny's supposed to have a sleepover
with him tomorrow night.
Well, they're too old to play doctor,
and too young to do anything else.
You're a great comfort, Corine.
See, his name is Harris,
but his mother's name is Peterfreund.
Yes, I understand.
You don't understand.
I do understand.
Well, of course lateness is just a symptom.
Doctor, I feel guilty.
That's right, the main thing is how you feel.
I feel guilty.
Doctor, are you listening to me?
Yes.
Doesn't it bother you when I'm always late.
Of course not.
Well, it bothers me.
I'm paying for an hour
what do you think?
Can you hear the self pity?
Hello.
Oh, Mrs. Peterfreund?
Yes.
Oh, hello, this is Madeline Philips.
Franny Philips mother.
I understand your son Jamie has invited her
to a sleepover at your house tomorrow night?
Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.
Pardon?
Tomorrow, Jamie sees his father.
The entire weekend belongs to Jamie's father.
If you have any problems,
I suggest you call Jamie's father.
But...
there are no buts, Mrs. Philips.
Jamie has two weekends a month with his father.
As spelled out by the state of New York,
and my divorce agreement.
There's nothing I can do about it, that's the way it is.
Well, do you happen to have Jamie's father's number?
I have his number, all right.
If you want his phone number,
you can find it in the phone book,
it's listed.
You can call up video action,
and ask for Ralph Harris, son of a bitch.
Thank you, Mrs. Philips.
Excellent Barbara,
if you feel it let it out.
Video action.
Mr. Ralph Harris, please.
Just a minute, I'll give you his assistant.
Hello?
Mr. Ralph Harris, please.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Harris is on location today.
May I take a message?
When do you expect him back?
Who is this calling, please?
This is Madeline Philips,
and it's personal not business.
I'm calling about my daughter.
Oh?
And his son.
Oh, Jamie.
Well, Ralph's out shooting Niagara Falls.
He should be back by tomorrow night.
It's his weekend with Jamie.
He should pick him up about six.
Well, he's supposed to pick up my daughter
at 6:30.
Oh not to worry, Mrs. Philips.
If he doesn't fall out of the helicopter,
he'll be there on the dot.
Ciao.
Oh, Jesus.
We should be coming there soon.
There it is, there it is.
See, the one with the yellow flowers, right there.
He's driving a Maserati.
I'm tired, Paul.
I'm tired of this insane overprotective structure
you're imposing on our lives.
In a city where you can't drive of 15 miles an hour.
Hey, it's our first double date, huh?
And won't even buy the kid a pair of jeans.
Not bad, huh?
How could you let her go?
I promised.
Promised?
Look, if you don't want her to go,
you do something about it.
Hi, Mr. Philips.
Hello, Jamie.
Is Franny ready?
I'd like to meet your father, Jamie.
They've gotta think I'm some kind of infant.
They'll know that your father has some concern for you.
Where's your mother, of course.
She can't go out, if you don't go in.
I wouldn't blame them if they just took off.
Faint heart never won fair lady.
Mom!
Ralph Harris.
Paul Philips.
Nice to meet you.
Could I speak to you for a minute, please?
That's quite a car you have out there.
Oh, it's transportation.
Subways are transportation.
This is quite a house.
Oh, thank you.
My wife put a lot of herself into it.
This is Jamie's father.
Ralph Harris.
Madeline.
Nice to meet you.
I thought we should meet before you
kidnap my daughter.
Should've thought of it myself.
I'm Franny.
- Hi, Franny. - Hi.
Can I get you a drink?
Thanks, but I'm double-parked.
She's ready.
Okay?
Oh, fine. Fine.
Well, shall we go?
All right.
Bye everybody.
- Bye. - Kiss, kiss.
It's a truck.
Oh, I forgot my bag.
And your father.
All right, hang on! Keep your shirt on!
Here we go.
Bye, bye.
Don't worry, we'll take good care of her.
Oh, I'm not worried.
If you're worried, why didn't you say something?
You say things.
You say things in the morning that
you don't even remember in the afternoon.
How can I remember anything when my bed
gets invaded every morning at dawn.
Martians could invade that bed,
and you'd just rollover, and snore.
I don't snore.
Look at that, take a good look.
That in a nutshell is divorce.
What in a nutshell is divorce?
That pathetic inhibited kid.
He shook hands, he said how do you do.
He can't even look you in the eye.
You're six feet tall.
How could you let her go?
I wanted the night off.
And the morning.
At last, that's it.
You, you, you, you, you...
you agreed to a separation.
I did it. I sublet the goddamn apartment!
You're never in it.
You're here every morning.
You eat dinner here,
you spend the whole weekend here!
I see more of you now than I did
when we were married.
We are married.
I want a divorce.
I want a nice intelligent, angry divorce
like everybody else I know.
You've got it.
And Franny!
Have you ever been in a crash?
No, thank goodness.
We did hit one heck of an air pocket
a few weeks ago, though.
That's how I met your father.
With a full tray.
I didn't spill a thing.
Puerto Rico Jamie, the rainforest shoot.
That's why, even if the seatbelt sign isn't on,
you have to stay fastened in.
Have you ever been on an airplane before?
Now, tell me where all you've been to.
London.
Paris.
San Francisco.
Ohio.
Ochos Rios.
Where?
Ocho Rios.
That was a good one.
San Francisco.
I just said that.
Stanford.
Denmark.
Okay...
K for Kansas.
You were right.
It's Topeka.
I guess it's silly to ask these days.
They're playing a game.
Oh.
Ah, too bad art.
Nice game, gentlemen.
Have fun.
Are they always like that?
You never know.
How can you stand it?
You get used to it.
I grade them.
She's a C minus.
Now, watch Franny.
It's all in the wrist,
just like bowling.
You know, in a couple of years
she's gonna be a knockout, like her old lady.
What time do they go to bed?
Coffee's hot.
Very hot coffee.
Soon.
Very soon.
He wants Franny.
And?
No.
There's joint custody.
Must be 101 new permutations.
Oh, are you my lover, or my lawyer?
Both,
but you got the order right.
We have to tell her.
He won't tell her.
He doesn't want to hurt her.
He's a good man.
Your wife is a good woman.
Pamela is good.
Paul's a good man.
I'm good, you're good,
we are all good people.
Then, why are we all so fucked up?
Oh, finally.
Okay.
Race you to the door.
Just push that button down, Hun.
I think maybe I'll just go home,
and get into some hot rollers.
You look great.
I have this tiny little headache,
and this hair.
We'll go upstairs, the kids'll go to sleep,
and we'll have a nice quiet drink.
We just had ice cream.
It spilled all over me, and I just know
it's gonna stain.
So, I don't wanna have that drink
because I'll probably choke on it.
And maybe I'll just go home,
and put my hair up.
See, I told her father that,
you know, I'd watch out for her.
I'll call you.
What the hell.
I mean, they are here.
I mean, what can happen to them alone
in an apartment for five minutes or 10
minutes?
Don't move.
All right?
Don't go move.
Jamie.
Jamie do you have a key?
Oh yeah, don't worry, I got the key, yeah.
All right, I'm just gonna take her home, and...
sure, sure. Okay.
Yeah, then I'm gonna put the car in the garage,
and you know I won't be late.
Thank you for the dinner and the bowling, Mr. Harris.
You're welcome, honey.
Sleep tight.
Look Jamie, don't wait up for me, okay?
- Yeah, sure. - All right.
A D, definitely a D,
if not a D minus.
We have to take off our shoes.
Why?
You'll see.
You do this every time?
Yeah.
And nobody steals 'em?
No.
It's shagylon.
This is sake.
Hey, sake.
Say hi to sake.
Hi sake.
He won't hurt you, c'mon.
C'mon, just...
Just touch him.
Pet him, pet him.
If you think this is bad,
wait till you see the piranhas.
Piranhas?
They eat people.
You really have to be careful.
- Oh! Oh! - Jamie!
Oh, oh, oh.
I don't believe it.
There's more.
This is where Ralph meditates.
When he meditates.
Look.
Just close your eyes.
Try to find me.
Jamie?
Jamie.
This has gotta cost a lot of money.
Where does it come from?
Commercials.
All of this comes from commercials?
He makes them all over the world.
We don't even watch 'em.
My mom just clicks them off.
But they're better than the programs,
and they're much harder to do.
They're stupid.
You know what you have to do in 30 seconds?
You have to tell a story,
you have to sell a product,
and then you have to give production values.
Go ahead, count to 30, and see if you can do it.
If you're so smart.
Well, how am I supposed to know?
You'd know if you used your brain for a change, stupid.
I'm not stupid.
You don't know anything.
Oh, yes I do.
What?
Huh?
What do you know?
I wanna go home.
You can't go home.
I can!
Your father's not sleeping at home,
and if you go home then they'll know
that you know that he's not sleeping there.
It'll be a whole big mess.
And how do you even know that your mother's there?
I don't.
Do you want a coke?
We can watch the late show.
I can't look.
Chicken.
Tell me when I can look.
Now.
Jamie Harris, that was cruel!
Let go.
Let go of me.
Say I'm not cruel.
No.
Say, you'll never tickle me again.
No.
You're not cruel, and I'll never tickle you again.
That's better.
I had my toes crossed.
What do we do now?
I give up.
Kiss me, I'm yours.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Well, something's the matter.
The book says that anything...
what book?
The joy of sex.
But it says anything's okay.
If you like it.
Don't you like it?
I like you.
Oh, c'mon.
But it's...
What? But what?
Your braces hurt.
I'm sorry.
You can't help it.
It's not your fault.
I'll be 16 by the time they come off.
How long before you get a retainer?
. Shag-
yeah.
Isn't there a law about keeping dogs
on a leash?
Oh, she's very well trained.
If there's one thing my...
My almost ex-husband knows how to do,
it's how to train a dog.
This is the last chore of the evening?
No, there's one more.
That's not a chore.
I meant the garbage.
Shag!
Heel, you bastard.
It's okay.
Sit. Down.
Shag!
Oh shag, you bad girl.
Steve.
Paul.
Madeline.
Shag.
Madeline said we had to walk the dog.
We were walking the dog.
You oughta keep her on a lead.
I'm Steven Sloan.
Carolyn Reid.
You remember my aunt Charlotte,
Carolyn's a second cousin on her husband's side.
Once removed.
You've been to the opera?
Rosenkavalier. It was wonderful.
Carolyn's a graduate student at Juilliard.
She's from Germantown.
Pennsylvania?
Wisconsin.
Have you eaten here before?
She's never been to the met before.
I've never been to the met before.
We were just gonna grab a bite to eat.
This is my fourth week in New York.
C'mon shag.
I missed my dinner.
How do you like it?
I love it.
There's always something happening here.
Shag, go with Madeline.
How's Pamela?
She's fine.
She's in the country.
I have a client who's leaving for Europe tomorrow,
and a contract that has to be signed.
Steve.
Nice to meet you, miss Reid.
- Thank you. - We'll get together.
You didn't introduce me to the lady.
That was no lady, that was my wife.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Oh dear.
. And my dog.
And my friend.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Angry?
No, I'm not angry.
Oh, I am furious.
Why am I so furious?
Because shag goes to him.
Because she's young, and blond with no makeup,
and an 18-inch waist.
What size shoe?
Look, I am the one who has been juggling
a house, and a job, and a child,
and him, and you.
Lam the one who has been sneaking around,
and guilty, and up to my ass in angst.
And he just shows up, there he is
with a young blond
student.
Stop laughing.
I'm not laughing.
I'm not jealous.
Good.
God knows, all I want is out.
Good.
Why am I jealous?
Oh Steve.
Look at the bright side.
Tell me about it.
I know Paul,
he'll tell Franny.
Jamie?
Hmm?
You asleep?
No.
What happened
after they split?
Ralph moved here,
and my mom sold our house.
Was it a nice house?
It was too big for the both of us.
What did they say,
when they told you?
I already knew.
They didn't just move out, and sell a whole house,
and not tell you.
We went to McDonalds.
McDonalds?
We were going out that night.
They said I could pick any restaurant
in the whole world that I wanted to go to.
I was nine, I picked McDonalds.
I'd love McDonalds.
I had a big Mac, French fries, vanilla shake.
And then they said that I knew that
they had been having problems.
And that everyone thought that it would
be a lot better if Ralph moved out for a while.
And did I want a dog?
I've got a dog.
Maybe they'll get you ice skates.
And then?
Then, they say they love you.
And then?
I threw up.
Listen, if they ask you to pick your favorite restaurant,
pick a restaurant you really hate.
I haven't been able to eat a big Mac since.
I'll pick Chinese.
She's coming soon.
Sir.
All right, insurance, the house.
That's with all its contents.
Not my stereo equipment.
Oh, he can have it.
The tapes, the records, the earphones.
Child support to be divided equally.
That's stretching it a bit, Bea.
My client has been very generous.
She has agreed to no alimony.
She's a working woman.
She works for the city.
New administration, she could be out on her ear.
She's worked steadily for years,
she earns a sizable income.
And as a single mother she'll pay sizable taxes.
I'll pay 1/4 of child support.
Madeline.
We accept.
Well, that's fair.
He makes four times what I do.
If you don't count what your father gave you.
Custody.
We now come to custody.
I've known you both a long time.
I know you love Franny,
and you wanna do what's best for her.
My client wants full custody.
Alternate weekends, alternate vacations,
one month in the summer.
No, no, no, no.
He's not going to be a weekend father.
Every other weekend father.
No way.
Sue me.
All the way to the supreme court.
Try to prove that I'm an unfit mother.
All right, now, c'mon both of you simmer down.
Maybe a marriage counselor would help.
No.
But what does your daughter have to say?
Say?
He won't even tell her.
Paul, you've got to tell her.
I said, I would tell her when we get this settled.
Well, how are we going to get it settled?!
We're not..
I think you both have to talk to her.
I agree.
Look, may I make a suggestion?
These things are difficult, at best.
You can make it a little easier for yourselves.
Plan something.
Take her someplace she likes.
When did you decide you like Chinese food?
It's a sign she's growing up.
You have to try everything in this world.
If you don't try it, how do you know you don't like it.
Well, she's tried Chinese food since she's three,
and she's always hated it.
Are you sure you don't want a coke?
Now, you take a pancake, and this is plum sauce,
it's good.
You can have a coke if you want one.
And you spread the plum sauce on the pancake,
then you put some filling,
and then you put a scallion on the top.
If you don't like scallions,
you can leave out the scallions.
She loves scallions.
How do you know she loves scallions?
Since when has she loved scallions?
Then, you fold it up like this, like a taco.
And you can eat it with your fingers.
You can use a fork if you want.
Do you wanna taste the filling first?
You wanna try chopsticks?
Paul.
I was just asking.
Taste it, honey.
Try it, Franny.
You're gonna get a divorce, right?
It's okay.
I mean, it's all for the best, isn't it?
You don't have to pretend anymore.
That you're happy when you're not.
And anyway, half of everybody I know
whose parents are divorced,
it's not so terrible.
It's not like being dead or something.
You don't have to say daddy's working late,
when he's not even coming home for dinner.
And you don't have to wake me up in the morning,
when you're not even sleeping in our house.
You told her.
You promised me that you wouldn't...
Paul, I didn't. I swear I didn't.
And you won't have to argue anymore either.
Time flies, doesn't it?
You always say that.
Because after this year,
there's only junior high,
and high school,
and then I'll be in college,
and you won't have to worry about me
because I'll be gone too.
Oh Franny.
I know you both love me.
I don't need new ice skates.
Ice skates?
Where are you going?
I'm gonna throw up now.
Do you wanna sleep with me tonight?
I'll leave my door open, in case you need anything.
Do you wanna hit me?
Or yell?
I don't know how to explain,
but it's not you, Franny.
It's daddy and me.
Franny, I was 20 years old when I married daddy.
I thought I knew everything.
And then...
Do you remember when Katie died?
No, you were too little.
I made a nest.
Just daddy and me, and Franny makes three,
and I wouldn't leave it.
Someday when you grow up you'll understand that.
But finally, I had to grow.
I changed, Franny.
I'm still changing,
and daddy doesn't want anything to change.
Oh, Franny.
Franny, I love you.
I love you.
And we have each other.
And I'll never give you up.
Oh, everything will be all right.
I promise.
Everything will be all right.
And you know I never break my promises.
Oh, you'll see, baby.
You'll see.
Did you love each other,
when you made me?
We did, Franny.
We really truly did.
Franny!
It's not for sale.
I'll get shag, and walk you to school.
I walked her already.
That's all right.
She went.
Did you water the milk, and scratch the chickens?
You don't have to walk her anymore.
How did you know I wasn't sleeping at home?
I saw you.
Everyday.
Then, you pretended too.
That you were asleep everyday.
I don't want you to walk me to school anymore.
I'm 12 years old, and I can walk by myself now.
I'm not a baby.
Your mother and I have our problems,
but we're gonna work them out.
It's gonna be all right, you'll see.
I love you, Franny.
And you're gonna come live with me,
and it'll all be fine.
I'm only 12 years old!
Hey, it's the wrong stop!
Franny!
What's the matter?
Jesus, will you tell me!
Tell me what's wrong.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
I hate them.
Hello.
You know what I wanna do?
What?
I wanna stay right here.
Forever.
Well, we can't stay forever,
but if you want we can stay here for the weekend.
Hello.
Ma?
It's time, ma.
Jamie's mom has a country house,
and they want me to come over for the weekend.
Weekend?
They'll pick us up after school on Friday.
School.
School Saturday, art school.
Once.
I'll just miss it once.
Oh mom, it's the country.
Do you know how long it's been since I had
some fresh air?
I have to ask your father.
No you don't.
You don't have ask him anymore.
We're here.
Are you sure she knows you're here?
I told you, I told her.
Even when you were at Smith, I knew where you
were every weekend.
I was with Paul every weekend.
You were?
What are you gonna be when you grow up?
I was gonna be a nurse once.
My mom almost had a heart attack.
She said, girls could be anything now.
I didn't have to be a nurse.
I could be a doctor.
You wanna be a doctor?
No.
I don't wanna be a mother either.
My grandfather's whole business is waiting for me.
He says, that I shouldn't turn my nose up
just because Ralph feels he's too good for it.
What is it?
You'll laugh.
I won't.
Yes, you will.
Swear.
Cemeteries.
I knew you'd laugh.
I'm sorry.
Let 'em laugh. That's what my grandpa says.
He says he laughs all the way to the bank.
Now, he's building high-rises.
High-rise cemeteries?
Yeah, they stack 'em up in a building.
Did you ever see a real live dead person before?
My grandmother.
She looked nice.
I mean, she looked dead, but she looked nice.
I would've had a sister, but she died.
Her name was Katie.
She died before she came home from the hospital.
I never saw her.
What happened?
Something wrong with her heart.
They couldn't fix it.
That's lousy.
Did they cremate her?
I hope not.
I wanna be cremated.
Why?
Makes sense ecologically.
She has a little tiny grave,
but I don't think they cremated her.
One thing about my grandfather's cemeteries,
you get perpetual care.
After you're dead, who cares?
I bet your mother cares.
My mother.
It's 7:30, she's eating dinner with my grandmother.
I said I would call when I got there,
she's gonna kill me.
Paul stopped by.
He said...
he wants Franny.
He said, this is the first time in his life
he's ever lived alone.
At home, there was his brother,
and they shared a room,
and at school he always had roommates.
And in the army...
mother,
he was never in the army.
You have a lot of your father in you.
We haven't been happy roommates for a long time.
The bluebird of happiness, Madeline,
is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Hello?
Franny, your mother's been worried to death.
Well, I forgot what time it was, grandma.
Well, as long as you're all right, darling.
That's all that's important.
You in the country?
Westport.
Well, that's almost country.
Franny, don't forget on Wednesday
I'm taking you to see the new Guinea dancers.
- Okay. - Even if it's a school night.
I said, yes.
You'll love the mud men.
What?
- The mud men. - Oh.
They wear these huge long masks made of mud,
and they're painted all over,
and they hunt ghosts
with a magic arrow.
Oh mother, she's gonna see them on Wednesday.
Your mother wants to talk to you. She's fine.
Franny, grandma was beside herself.
Is it nice there?
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Are they nice?
Sure.
Have you had dinner?
Jamie's mom is cooking.
Oh, good.
She learned in Paris.
Oh good.
Let me have the number there, just in case.
687.
4321.
4321, just in case.
You know it's westport.
Yeah, westport. So, the area code is 203.
Franny, is this a bad connection, or do I hear birds.
Well, you know, it's the country.
Oh, sweetie, remember on Sunday.
Please don't be late.
You know your father, and he's gonna pick
you up at six.
Kiss.
Bye.
Bye, darling.
You gave her this number.
But I said it was westport.
Then, she said the area code was 203.
Oh Jamie.
Forget it.
We're not gonna answer it anyway.
She has a boyfriend.
Do you?
You said I was too young to get married,
I should've listened to you.
Will you listen to me now?
You're too old to get a divorce.
I'm 34.
Five.
Out there, so is everyone else.
That's the ship.
I mean, the yacht.
That's my grandfather.
You look like your mother.
I do.
Everyone says I look like my father.
He's funny.
This is where we spend every weekend.
Westport?
No, Greenwich.
That's Tarzan.
Tarzan?
That's his name.
And that's Jane.
When Jane died, that's when he started
his pet cemeteries.
Watch this.
Whoops.
He was restless.
I think he was barking at me.
I took this.
It's not that bad.
I see your reflection in the window.
My father used to take movies.
He even took one when I was getting born.
Boy, it was gross.
C'mon, wake up New York.
Get movin'. Have a great day.
I took the pictures of myself and Franny.
Fine.
I left the Billie holidays,
and the other Brock print
thanks.
You won't have to complain about not having
enough closet space anymore.
I have to get to my place before the ladies do.
The mother truckers are okay.
I told Franny you'd pick her up tomorrow at six.
Glad she's not here.
You keep it for emergencies.
Madeline.
We settled it Paul.
It will all work out.
Right.
Good morning.
Breakfast is served.
There's no spoon.
Oh, shit.
No sugar.
I knew I was missing something.
A knife,
butter,
cream cheese.
Okay, okay!
I don't do this everyday you know.
I don't understand why they have problems.
Being married is easy.
Hello.
Can I come in?
Would you like a tour of the ruins?
Ah, brushing up?
Franny had it hidden.
I don't hide things in this house.
My god, Krafft-Ebing is out.
The history of sexual customs is out.
Picasso's erotic drawings are out.
And Paul is out.
I don't think this is such a good idea.
Hold on.
He'll know it's gone.
Oh no, Ralph never remembers anything.
Except my birthday.
Hold on, hold on.
You think that's enough?
Steve?
Oh, thank you.
If you were a little girl,
and you had a mythical kingdom
called shagylon.
Would shagylon be westport?
Shagylon is the name of your dog.
Can you reach the phone?
The number you have reached
is not a working number, please dial again.
Directory information, what city please?
In westport operator, a listing for Dr. Simon Peterfreund.
P-e-t-e-r-f-r-e-u-n-d.
I'm sorry. There is no Dr. Simon Peterfreund
listed for westport, Connecticut.
Thank you.
Hello.
Dr. Peterfreund?
Yes.
You're not in westport.
Who is this, please?
This Madeline Philips,
and my daughter, Franny, is supposed to be
spending the weekend with you and your wife,
and Jamie in westport.
My wife and I are right here, Mrs. Philips.
Jamie is spending the weekend in east Hampton.
East Hampton?
Would you hold on just a moment, please?
What's the name of the boy that Jamie's spending
the weekend with in east Hampton?
Eliot Freeman.
All right, Jamie is in east Hampton.
Is something wrong? Did something happen?
With Eliot Freeman.
Well, something is wrong.
Something horribly wrong because Franny
called me last night from your house in westport.
We don't have a house in westport.
But she was with you, you're wife was cooking dinner!
The number is 687-4321.
687-4321?
What are you talking about?
That's Ralph's number.
Oh, it's all my fault.
You're right to blame me, I blame myself.
If you took her away from me, I wouldn't blame you.
Madeline, stop it.
Well, he'd take care of her.
He'd know where she was.
We tried to call, but no one answered.
Then, the phone was busy.
You don't have to get involved in this!
You never know, you might need a lawyer.
I don't know her.
Do you know what it's like to have a 12 year old
who you think you know like the back of your hand?
I don't know her.
I don't know anything.
Well, I know one thing, it's not Fran.
It's that boy.
Girls that age, Simon.
Biologically, they are light years ahead of little boys.
They're manipulative.
They're sex-starved.
Barbara.
He lied to me.
All right, let's just keep calm.
Let me handle this.
I can handle it, it's my daughter.
Dr. Peterfreund?
Ah, yes.
I'm Steven Sloan. I'm Mrs. Philips' attorney.
Steve?
Barbara.
My god,
I haven't seen you since Caneel.
I'm sure there's no need for an attorney.
Do you know Madeline?
Barbara, this is Madeline Philips.
Where is my child?
They don't answer the buzzer.
Well, there must be a super.
Not on Saturday, we've sent for Ralph's secretary,
she's coming over with a key.
I had no idea this was your son.
By my first marriage, I remarried.
It's a small world.
What are we waiting for?
We are waiting for Ralph's secretary, Fiona.
The secretary with the key.
Well, anything could be going on up there.
Well, actually we have no proof that they are up there.
Well, we know she's not in westport.
What is this westport?
And your son's not in east Hampton,
so where the hell else can they be?
- Oh. - Simon?
Everyone's just a little high-pitched.
I got here as fast as I could, Mrs. Harris.
Peterfreund.
Has she got the key?
She's here.
You have to take your shoes off.
Please, take your shoes off.
Fran?
Franny?
Jamie.
Japanese whore house.
He works a lot in Japan.
- Ch my god. - What?
- Franny. - What's the matter?
Oh my god.
Franny.
Get out! Get out!
Don't you touch him!
This is all my fault!
Get her out of there!
And you get away!
Franny, what are you doing in there?!
Will you get your son?!
Like father, like son.
How could you do such a thing to me?!
This is the last time you visit your father!
Well, it doesn't take much imagination
to figure out who...
it's just adolescence.
I mean, it's perfectly normal to take your clothes off.
This happens frequently with adolescents.
I don't think we have a problem here.
I'll say we have a problem.
I'll tell you who's got a problem.
We just face it up directly,
there'll be no problem.
Find her shirt, Paul.
No one here is angry at you.
I'm angry!
I'm goddamned angry!
He may be a little angry.
All right, now we know what you've done.
Oh the hell we do!
What we want to know is why?
I wanna know what?!
They're only taking a bath.
Look, we know how you feel.
We know how all the grownups feel.
Let's see how they fell, all right?
Why, that's heavy.
Please don't be afraid, no one's gonna hit you.
Everyone here loves you,
and everyone cares about you, both of you.
Speak for yourself.
Jamie?
All right, you've dissembled.
Lied.
And we wanna help you,
but we can't help you unless you're open enough
to share your feelings with us.
I'll share my feelings!
That little bastard slept with my daughter!
No.
Yes, Madeline! Face facts!
You take back bastard!
Just look at the bed!
No.
Well, your little tramp asked for it.
You are speaking of my child.
If you'd keep track of your child.
Well, what about your son?
Well, he can do whatever he pleases.
He can screw her brains out for all I care.
What?
Barbara, you don't mean that.
I mean it.
Well, what can you expect of a child who was raised
in an environment like this?
Well, this is not our environment.
This is his father's environment.
Whose name she can't even mention
without adding son of a bitch.
You son of a bitch!
What did I tell you?
- What is this? - Oh my god.
What the hell is going on here?!
If you ever stayed home for a change,
nothing would be going on here.
I just got off a plane.
Big deal.
Take your shoes off.
I told them, but they won't.
Who is she?
Beverly, this is Beverly Barbie.
- Well, who the hell are you?! - Steve Sloan.
- Caneel? - Get out of here.
- He's my lawyer. - I don't care who
hey, how are you? I really wanted to call you.
He's her lover, for Christ's sake!
I can explain.
I'm not asking for explanations!
Why him?!
Because he asked me.
You know, I was gonna ask you out,
and then I thought, can I handle a real relationship.
I'm not angry anymore, I'm sad.
I had no idea this is where he went
every other weekend.
Now you know why I'm always so upset.
Well, what's wrong with it?
Yeah, what's wrong with this place?
And the fact is he's had something
on the side all his life.
Well, the sins of the father.
What?!
I don't know, sometimes you go to the Bible not Freud.
And if you think that he's gonna leave Pamela
to marry you, you're really kidding yourself!
I'm in love with her.
Oh, bullshit! I've known you for 25 years,
the only one you've ever been in love with is yourself.
Who said anything about marriage?
I'm not going to marry him.
Oh god, the last thing in the world I wanna
- do is get married again. - You don't mean that.
I knew I should've called you.
Wow.
But why here? I don't get it.
I think when you look around, we have to say,
how can we blame the children?
The children.
The poor children.
Where the hell are the children?
They can't keep us from seeing each other at school.
What if they make us change schools?
They won't.
They already paid for the term.
Shagylon?
No.
Not ever.
Forget it.
It's not fair.
They don't have to be fair,
they're parents.
Why can't they be like us?
Someday maybe we'll figure that out.
No.
Why not?
Because then we'll grow up,
and we'll become messed up like they are.
Franny?
What?
That was the nicest sleepover I ever had.
Don't forget to lock the door.
Paul.
Can we go to the port authority, or Penn station,
we'll just look?
No, Steve's right. The best thing we can do
is just go home, and wait.
Why didn't I keep my mouth shut?
You couldn't help it.
Maybe she's home.
Let's let her sleep.
Oh, I am so relieved I could wring her neck.
Shh.
You'll wake her up.
Paul don't.
Yes.
That was pretty dumb, James.
Yeah, I know.
They tore up your floor.
How was it?
Before they tore up the floor.
Neat.
Harrison, starts your morning.
WABC.
C'mon, wake up New York we've got a brand
new fresh day, it's all yours, get out and live it.
Weather looks super too for whatever you're gonna do.
You might even get a seat on the subway, huh?
I hope so, that'd be great.
Can you move back now?
I don't know.
Did you ask her?
No.
Why didn't you ask her?
She's asleep.
That's the time to ask her, when she's asleep.
She says yes to anything.
Franny.
Don't lie to us ever again.
Not ever.
Don't you.
Ma?
Hmm?
Can daddy come back now?
Promise?
No.
You're awake.
I was thinking.
He went.
About you.
He stayed all night.
We were together last night because of you.
Why can't daddy stay all the time?
He can't stay because you want him to,
or grandma tells me to.
When two people stay together,
they have to want to.
No matter what anybody else in the world thinks.
That's what she said?
That's exactly what she said.
Are you okay?
It's cold, but I'm okay.
You're an a, Franny. Definitely an a.
Okay!
♪ Two birds sittin' on a telephone wire ♪
♪ One wants to fly away ♪
♪ He is brokenhearted ♪
♪ Over yesterday ♪
♪ C'mon happy Ida ♪
♪ Cheer up brokenhearted John ♪
♪ Singin' hey John ♪
♪ Wait until tomorrow comes ♪
♪ Johnny says I flew around the block ♪
♪ Looking down on my old tree ♪
♪ Well my song's all gone ♪
♪ You're all wrong for hangin' on to me ♪
♪ Look here happy Ida ♪
♪ You know nothing's gonna last for long ♪
♪ She says hey John ♪
♪ Wait until tomorrow comes ♪
♪ No one's too blue to listen to ♪
♪ When you cry ♪
♪ Nobody's bluer than the sky ♪
♪ If you can't sing in the city ♪
♪ I'll tell you where we could go ♪
♪ Did you ever fly somewhere ♪
♪ High above Mexico ♪
♪ Fly away happy Ida ♪
♪ Fly away with brokenhearted John ♪
♪ Singing hey John ♪
♪ Wait until tomorrow comes ♪
♪ Singing hey John ♪
♪ Wait until tomorrow comes ♪